my two dads
by beastofbloodgaara
Summary: What happens when Sasuke and Gaara have a kid... with each other? Many things. The first two chapters aren't that great but please read! rated PG-13 for yaoi and language. Chapter 7 on it's way.
1. Default Chapter

My Two Dads

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else to be exact so shoo you stupid lawyers!

One thing you should know is that I'm not good at writing fight scenes so bear with me.

It had been four years since Sasuke and Gaara's fight in the chunnin exam was interrupted and Sasuke was still aching to fight against the spook from the Sand. Gaara was leaning against a tree in a clearing in the forest were his fight against Naruto had taken place. Now sixteen, Gaara still looked relatively the same except he was slightly taller and wore a red fishnet shirt and baggy black pants.

"I see you got my challenge." Said Sasuke as he walked toward Gaara.

"Let's get this over with. I have to meet Temari and Kankuro at Ichiraku for lunch." Replied Gaara as he got of the tree and stood up straight.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for a rematch."

"And all those fights we had during the past chunnin exams means nothing right?"

"Just shut up and fight me!"

Sasuke quickly activated his sharingan and started to perform different hand seals. He then puffed out his chest and a huge ball of fire came out of his mouth.

"Gokakyuu no jutsu!" Sasuke said as he completed the jutsu that seemed to never work.

And it didn't. Gaara just stood there with a bored expression on his face as his sand shield started to retreat.

The only thing Sasuke said in reaction was "damn"

Sasuke jumped back and started to perform many different hand seals.

"Now prepare to see my brand new jutsu that I just copied with my sharingan yesterday! KO NO JUTSU!"

"'Ko no Jutsu'? What kind of stupid name is—"Before Gaara could finish his sentence both him and Sasuke fainted.

About 10 hours later they both woke up puzzled about what could possibly knock the great Uchiha Sasuke and Gaara of the desert.

"Oog, what the hell happened?" Was all Sasuke said as he held his head from the headache he received from falling to the ground after falling unconscious.

"What are you asking me for?" Gaara looked at the sky and noticed that it was pitch black outside. "Shit, I'm never gonna hear the end of it when Temari sees me."

Both shinobi heard a small whimper coming from in between where they both lay. Pretty soon it turned into a small cry.

"Are you crying? I mean, come on Uchiha, I always thought you killed off your emotions after Naruto beat the crap out of you." Gaara said.

"That's not me you panda eyed lunatic! I think it's a baby."

Sasuke stood up and walked over to the source of the crying.

"Hey, it is a baby! I wonder what it's doing out here."

Gaara stood up and looked at the baby in the Uchiha's arms. Gaara cocked his head to the side as he looked at the baby.

"Is it just me, or does that baby look like us?"

They both looked at the baby that had Gaara's "Ai" tattoo on its head, red hair with Sasuke's bangs and ruffled hair, and emerald eyes that looked like a mix of Sasuke's onyx and Gaara's lime green eyes. As the looks on Gaara and Sasuke's faces looked more confused the baby started to smile and giggled at their silly expressions.


	2. Chapter Two: The News

My Two Dads: Chapter 2

Me: I've decided to add on another chapter, but I won't add on another until I get some reviews! Come on people! I'll die if I don't get a review!

Gaara: Maybe that would be a good thing. I could always do without more fangirls.

Me: Oh, be quiet, you know you want some sweet Uchiha ass!

Gaara: Hn.

Me: Anyway, without further babble from the insane authoress, I give you chapter 2 of "My Two Dads"!

* * *

It had been a couple of minutes after Gaara and Sasuke found the baby that was now sleeping, and was happily wrapped up in Gaara's white sash. They had been silent for a long time, which really didn't bother them seeing as the both liked the quiet of the night. It helped them be less distracted by the world, and helped them just focus on the beauty of the moon, stars, and dreams of a dead Itachi. Gaara finally broke the silence.

"So, what are we gonna do with it once we get back to the village?" Asked Gaara as he looked down at the bundle of joy snoozing in his arms.

"I think we should bring him to the 5th Hokage. She'll at least have an idea of what to do with him." Replied Sasuke as he joined Gaara in gazing at the little bundle.

Not even two minutes later the two shinobi reached the gates to Konohagakure Village. They got in with ease for Gaara and his two siblings are now residents of the village hidden in the leaves though they kept their sand headbands. Once in, they both headed straight to the Godaime's office. It took a little bit of waiting, but they made it in quickly.

"What can I do for you boys?" Greeted Tsunade as she lazily sat behind her desk with a bottle of sake in her hand.

"We found a baby while we were fighting and we want to see if you know who it belongs to." Said Sasuke as he took the baby out of Gaara's hands, and brought him over to Tsunade-sama's desk.

Tsunade looked at the child for a few moments and said "Strange, he has two different chakras keeping him alive, and both are nearly identical to you two chakras, plus he looks like you two fused together 'cept he's just so much cuter!"

"Umm, okay." Was all Gaara and Sasuke said in reply. Gaara then continued, "I 'm guessing that thing was the result of Uchiha's stupid jutsu that he used in our duel."

Tsunade suddenly got a serious look on her face as she looked up from the now waking baby. "Jutsu? Tell me, what was the jutsu's name?"

Sasuke quickly replied, "Ko no Jutsu."

Tsunade closed her eyes for a few seconds and then reopened them replying, "Ko no jutsu is a jutsu with a stupid name and an even stupider purpose." Began Tsunade. "When the user casts that jutsu, it knocks both the user and target out for about as long as it takes to hive birth. It then takes chakra from both of the incapacitated people and combines it to create a new being that resembles both people. It's mostly used when a married couple wants a baby, but the wife is unable to give birth."

"Soooo..." Was all she got as a reply from the two confused shinobi.

"So, congrats on your new baby! Which one of you two you are the mom? How does it feel to be the youngest parents in Konoha?" Said Tsunade in an all too excited tone.

After an uncomfortable moment of silence, Sasuke and Gaara let out one of those earth shattering screams that shows them screaming, then the building, then the country, and then the planet. After the horrid news, the two started to walk home with the baby in Gaara's arms, as they reached Sasuke's house Gaara stopped and thought a little.

"Why'd you stop?" Was Sasuke's reaction when he noticed that the sand nin stopped walking.

"I just thought about what I'd be going home to and I don't like it. I mean, it is Temari's time of the month and you know what that means." Said Gaara.

"No, I don't know what that means. Itachi kinda killed off the clan before my dad could give me the 'talk'."

"She's being a bitch, and I really don't wanna hear her scream when I get home, so can I stay with you for the night? I could help with the baby." Lied Gaara.

"Fine." Said Sasuke with a shrug.

When Gaara walked into Sasuke's apartment the first thing he noticed was that everything was perfectly clean. Gaara muttered something along the lines of 'clean freak' as he walked further into the house. Sasuke set up a futon in the living room and made a small place for the baby to sleep.

"This is where you sleep- err, lay down for night with the kid and I'll be in the other room. If you need any help, just holler." Said Sasuke.

"Yes ma'am." Mumbled Gaara as he put the kid down in the little bundle of blankets and sat down. Gaara took of his shirt and couldn't help but notice that Sasuke was staring at his chest with a blush plastered on his face.

"Can I help you with something?" Asked Gaara.

Sasuke quickly snapped out of his little trance and quickly walked to his room and shut the door without saying anything. It was gonna be a long night.

* * *

Me: Well, how was that for chapter two?

Sasuke: I so was not staring.

Me: Yeah right, the fangirls know all and see all, so stop trying to prove us wrong. Reviews are what keep me emotionally stable.


	3. Chapter Three: The Horrible First Word

* * *

My Two Dads chapter 3: The horrible first words

Me: Ohayo everyone! Sorry for the long wait, I sorta forgot about "My Two Dads" and well, yeah.

Gaara: Why must you torment us more?

Me: Why? Because I'm awesome, that's why.

Gaara: Suuuuure.

Me: Any way, forget about Gaara, and now onto the story!!! Also, there will be Sakura bashing!! And whenever Inner Sakura is saying something it's in these: ''

* * *

Sasuke was silently sleeping with the covers almost pulled all the way off showing his cute boxers that had little Uchiha fans all over them. Right next to him was a little clone of him, but he had red hair and Gaara's tattoo on his little forehead. This baby would make even the toughest of shinobi go "Awwwwwww". The little bundle started to put his little hands over the older boy's face. The older boy didn't even flinch until he felt something tug on his hair, and hard too!

"Owwww, what the hell?!" exclaimed Sasuke

Sasuke looked down to the little baby that just pointed and giggled while pretending to pull his own hair. Sasuke was a little confused upon seeing the baby, but then all of yesterdays events started to just pour in. He just shrugged, picked up the baby and headed off to the kitchen.

"Gaara! Gaara? Where the hell are you?!" said Sasuke as he whipped his head in all directions trying to find the sand nin.

When Sasuke walked over to the refrigerator, he saw a note in Gaara's handwriting. The note just said one little sentence before it was signed by yours truly.

'Have fun with your little nightmare, what ever a nightmare is.

-

Gaara'

"DAMN HIM!!! And what did he mean by '_MY_ little nightmare'?" yelled Sasuke after he had read the note.

Sasuke had no choice but to keep the baby with him, and that meant bring the thing training and everything. Sasuke set the baby on the floor and looked into its emerald eyes.

"Stay." Said Sasuke as he got up and started to walk off.

Unfortunately for Sasuke, this baby was not a dog, and even if it were, it wouldn't be a very obedient one. Sasuke didn't get even five steps away from the baby before he felt about 7 pounds being added to his foot. When he looked down he saw the little bundle clinging to his leg while sitting on his foot. He just sighed and plucked the baby off his foot and carried the baby as if it were a football to his room. He got dressed as quickly as he could and only grabbed an apple on the way out for food. He had also dressed the baby in one of his old shirts that was far too big for the little baby that was spawned out of a very odd jutsu with a very stupid name. Sasuke was wearing what he always wore, for his style didn't really change at all over the past four years, but today he was also wearing a backpack, and guess what was in there.

"Now how am I gonna be able to keep this baby around all day?" pondered Sasuke. "Naruto won't let me live this down, Kakashi might try to make him become a pervert, and as for Sakura, I don't even want to think about Sakura right now."

When Sasuke got to that all too famous bridge where the all too famous team 7 always met, he was very glad that he was first today so he could have a little peace and quiet for the time being. He sat down he took the backpack off and unzipped it all the way so the baby could at least poke his head out. Once again, unfortunately for Sasuke, Sakura came running up toward him.

"SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUN!!" Screamed Sakura as she ran over to him, but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the little baby.

"?"Was all Sasuke had to say.

'NOOOO! I WANTED TO BEAR SASUKE'S CHILD!!' Yelled Inner Sakura

"Calm down, calm down. He could just be baby-sitting or something." Sakura assured herself. "Umm, is he yours?"

"Yes."

'NOOO!'

"A he he, ummm......"

"Okay"

"So, who's the mom?"

Sasuke thought for a second about how he would phrase this, but that thought soon turned into how Sakura would react to the answer and he was liking what was playing in his mind.

"Gaara" Was all Sasuke replied.

Sakura's eyes nearly bulged out of her skull as she pictured Sasuke and Gaara share a romantic kiss under the moonlight. Her face flushed a deep crimson and she then turned into that one painting "The Scream". Naruto came running up to the all to famous bridge a little while after Sakura regained her composure and her original character design.

"Hey Sasuke bastard!!!" Yelled Naruto as he stood in front of Sasuke.

"Hey dobe, and may I prescribe a breath mint?" Said Sasuke as he waved his hand in front of his face just making Naruto mad.

"Bastard!"

"Dobe"

"Bastard"

"Dobe"

"Bastard bastard bastard!!"

"Dobe dobe dobe!!"

The insults continued to fly, and remember that the baby was observing the entire insult fight. The baby's head would go forward and back looking at who ever was speaking. He then looked forward and touched his lip as if he were thinking.

The baby then opened his mouth and said "Dobe."

Sasuke and Naruto stopped arguing and looked down at the baby who was giggling happily after saying his first word. Sasuke then snapped his head up at Naruto and started to glare lightning bolts at him.

"Wh-what?" Was all Naruto said in his defense. "Hey, it's not my fault that your kid just cussed."

Sasuke then calmed down as he realized that what Naruto said was true. He then picked the baby off his lap and looked at him. The baby then pointed at Sasuke and said something that just made Sasuke's eyes bug out (which only has happened in episode 101 from what I hear).

"Bastard" Was the word that the baby said that made Sasuke look really weird.

Sasuke then put the baby down and walked toward Naruto. After about a half an hour, Kakashi-sensei arrived to an angered Sasuke, creeped out Sakura, and a nearly dead Naruto. Looks like this was just going to be another day for the all too famous team 7.

Me: That's all for chapter 3 of My Three Dads. I hope you all enjoyed the longer chapter. The rest of the chapters will also be longer than the first 2 chapters, but that means I will be taking longer to finish them.

Sasuke: Well at least I'll have a break between chapters.

Me: Not when Gaara finds you.

Sasuke: Okay. Wait, now I get it. You're sick!!

Me: snicker snicker Reviews are all that's keeping me alive! So make me stay healthy and review!


	4. Chapter Four: An Odd Mission and Gaara's...

My Two Dads Chapter 4: An odd mission and Gaara's stupid gift

Me: Hello everyone! Welcome back to My Two Dads, the fan fiction that made male pregnancy make even a little sense.

Gaara: Nice motto. sarcasm sarcasm

Me: Any way, thank you all for being patient except you C.G. of Zyon, you were being an ass, but that's okay, you still reviewed and I'm happy! Plus! I need name suggestions for the baby!

Gaara: I don't get you.

Me: I'm a girl.

Gaara: -.-

Me: Another thing, I kept on forgetting about this, but I do not own Naruto for if I did, I would be the one flying away with Gaara on his little sand cloud thingy, not Lee.

Thinking: '...'

Speaking: "..."

Inner Sakura: **"..."**

Training was a bit different but relatively normal for the all too famous team 7 that day. Sakura was just throwing shuriken and being useless as always, Naruto was challenging someone, but this time it was Kakashi because he knew that Sasuke was still pissed from that morning, and Sasuke was just thinking about what he was going to do with the kid. The baby was just looking at the clouds while mumbling his newly learned words. Sasuke then moved the baby's head so he was looking at the Uchiha and pondered about what he was going to do.

"Hmmm, seeing as I can't possibly do any training with you around I'll train you." Said Sasuke as he rummaged through his backpack and pulled out and old but still relatively sharp.

He tossed the shuriken about five feet away from him and the baby. As he did so, the baby followed the shuriken's every move until he fell down from trying to bend his head backwards to see behind him.

"Well, you seem to age pretty fast. You already have a full head of hair." Said Sasuke as he ran his fingers through the baby's soft locks. "You can speak too, much to my dismay. Now lets see if you can walk."

Sasuke pointed to the shuriken that was only a short distance away and said "Go get the shuriken and bring it back to me."

The baby just looked at Sasuke and then touched his lip as if he were thinking about something. Sasuke just looked at the baby, as the baby did nothing but look like he was thinking as he cocked his head to both sides.

"What are you waiting for? Go get me the shuriken you stupid baby!" Said an obviously annoyed Sasuke.

The baby still did nothing.

"_You. Go. Get. Me. The. Shuriken._" Said Sasuke in an exaggerated tone as he made hand motions for every word.

The baby then slowly got up but fell down before even standing straight up. He let out a small whimper after hitting his butt on the ground. He tried many more times, but to no avail. Sasuke eventually found a pattern as he just sat there looking at the baby get up, fall down, cry, and get back up again. Over and over, just get up, fall down, cry, and get back up again. Sasuke the heard a voice call his name.

"SASUKE!" said the voice as it turned out to be Tsunade-sama.

"What do you want you crazy old bat?" Said Sasuke as he helped the baby stand up but then fall down again and cry.

"I have news for you, and I want you tell Gaara this when you see him again." Said Tsunade as she walked closer to Sasuke.

Sasuke scooped up the baby and carried him like a football over to the Godaime to hear what she had to say. Sasuke didn't even say a thing before Tsunade-sama started talking.

"I have decided to make raising this baby a mandatory mission for both you and Gaara. You and Gaara will be living together just for the record." Said Tsunade as she was patting the baby's head.

"Why do we need to live together and why did you make this a mission?" Question Sasuke.

"Well, it all started last night when you two left my office with the baby," Continued Tsunade "You had just left the building when Izumo and Kotetsu were being scolded for being caught in the utility closet together doing questionable things." Sasuke had a look of confusion and disgust on his face when he heard that, but Tsunade still continued.

"Anyway, as I was staring them down, they presented good evidence as to why it should be _me_ being punished." Started Tsunade. Sasuke just started nodding to everything. "Well, any way they said that they knew that I let you two leave with a baby and then they said that you and Gaara would probably kill the poor thing before it even grew a month old. So, once I realized that they were right and gave them seven minutes to continue what they were doing before they go back to work, I decided to make taking care of that baby a mission that will be in full affect until you two die!"

Tsunade said all this with a smile on her face as if this was fantastic news that would make even the most tough and serious shinobi go "YAY!" Unfortunately, Sasuke saw this as punishment that the Godaime must've gotten from Itachi or even Satan himself.

"So, have fun, and don't forget to tell Gaara! Now continue to train!" Said Tsunade as she walked away from Sasuke and then ran all the way to what Sasuke suspected to be a bar.

Suddenly Sasuke heard a subtle but still loud thud. He turned and ran with the baby still in his hands. He stopped when he saw a bloody Kakashi, laughing Naruto, and fuming mad Sakura.

"What the hell?" Said Sasuke "What happened? Naruto couldn't have beaten Kakashi-sensei by himself."

Naruto slowly stopped laughing and then told Sasuke how he defeated Kakashi-sensei by using his "special" jutsu. Yes, none other than the infamous harem no jutsu. Sasuke just stared at him with a look of "you're stupid" plastered on his face. Before Sasuke knew it Naruto had a bump on his head the size of Mississippi.

"Argh! Naruto, you are so disgusting!" Yelled Sakura "Where do even get these jutsu?! No wonder you're a bad ninja."

Sakura then stomped away and started to go home.

"Did she accidentally shove a tampon up her ass this morning?" Said Naruto as he was rubbing the insanely huge bump on his head.

Sasuke internally snickered at the comment made by Naruto. He then walked off leaving Naruto and Kakashi there all by themselves. Naruto looked at the still unconscious Kakashi-sensei then at Sasuke and the baby who was now sleeping in Sasuke's arms, then at Kakashi, and at Sasuke once again.

"D'OH!" Yelled Naruto as he realized that he had to drag Kakashi home all by himself.

Once Sasuke got home he felt a strange disturbance, and it was that of another ninja. Sasuke quickly put the baby and a small bag he was carrying down on the table and grabbed a kunai and then got into a fighting stance. He looked around quickly trying to find the intruder until he felt someone squeeze his side making the ticklish Sasuke jump and let out a little squeal.

"I have something to tell you." Said the intruder as he had his mouth right next to Sasuke's ear.

Sasuke quickly turned around and saw that the intruder was Gaara.

"What do you want?" Said Sasuke in an all too unenthusiastic toned as he put away his kunai.

"Well hello to you too." Began Gaara "Anyway, Temari kicked me out of the house so I decided to stay here seeing as I am now a dad, I find it reasonable to stay with the mother and baby."

"Hold on, mother? How am I the mother?"

"Well, like the wife, you did all the work, and like the dad, I only helped."

"You suck you know that? You **suck**. Oh, before I forget, I bought you something. Once you take it out put it on immediately!"

Gaara picked up the bag that Sasuke had put down next to the baby and took out the shirt that Sasuke had bought. With out even looking at it he put it on.

"You bought me a Hawaiian print shirt." Said Gaara "**_Why_** did you buy me a Hawaiian print shirt?"

"Why?" Started Sasuke "To show you up for leaving me to put up with your kid that's why and you have fallen into my trap!"

"Trap? What kind of fucked up trap are you talking about? You bought me a shirt."

"Only big fat hairy tourists and gay guys wear Hawaiian shirts!"

"So you're saying that all because I am thin, not hairy, and a resident of Konoha means that I am a gay?"

"Yes!"

Gaara just took off the shirt and threw it at Sasuke's face and then sat down on the couch with a beer that he got from god knows where and turned on the TV. Sasuke just glared at him and threw the shirt away and sat down next to Gaara. Then out of nowhere Gaara leaned over a planted a big kiss on Sasuke's lips.

"What the hell?!" Said Sasuke as he pulled his head away from Gaara and tried to hide the fact that he was blushing madly.

"You never know. I might just be your Hawaiian print gay." Said Gaara as he planted another kiss on the dumbstruck Sasuke's lips.

Me: Well, I hope you all enjoyed this installment of My Two Dads.

Sasuke: You are sick.

Me: I'm a yaoi fan girl, whaddaya expect?

Sasuke: I demand a lawyer so I can sue you!

Me: Nope, can't do that.

Sasuke: Oh? Why not?

Me: Because I finally remembered a disclaimer!

Sasuke: .

Me: Review Review Review!


	5. My Two Dads Chapter 5: Bath Time Trouble...

My Two Dads Chapter 5: Bath Time Troubles and Gaara's Shopping Adventure

Me: I thank all who have reviewed so far but **I** **still need name suggestions!!**

Gaara: Or you could _not _suggest names and she'll stop this god-forsaken fic.

Me: Yeah, but that's not fun.

Gaara: My life isn't fun and look at how I turned out.

Me: Yeah, you're a psycho killer that's in love with a cold bastard hell-bent on killing his brother.

Gaara: Shut up...

Me: Why? Oh, I know.

Gaara: Stupid sick minded fan girls.

Me: **At the moment I have no intention of writing a lemon. **Although that doesn't mean I won't. Well, any way enjoy the fic! There is some fluff in this chapter!

* * *

Sasuke awoke later in the morning than usual seeing as he had the day off of training. When he awoke he noticed that his back was not against his sheets, but it was against someone's stomach and crotch. There were long smooth arms draped against his chest and were playing with his nipples and bellybutton. He was startled at first but then he remembered about Gaara and the Hawaiian print shirt incident. Sasuke looked up and was quickly greeted by Gaara's lips smashing against his own.

"Good morning." Said Gaara after their kiss had been broken. "So, I see you _really_ like your clan symbol."

"Huh?" Replied Sasuke.

"You have Uchiha boxers, Uchiha blankets, Uchiha shirts, Uchiha swim shorts. The list goes on."

"So? Lots of people in Konoha have their clan symbols on some articles of clothing."

"Name one person."

"Umm, Neji!"

We now come to Neji who is currently brushing his teeth in his boxers and robe on. Both are decorated with little white eyeballs.

"Well, Neji's weird." Replied Gaara after picturing Neji's boxers in his head.

Without saying anything Sasuke got out of bed and looked out the window while resting his arms against the windowsill. Gaara then got out of bed as well and stood behind Sasuke and then with out provocation he reached out and grabbed Sasuke's ass making the young Uchiha jump.

"Ack! Hentai!" Yelled Sasuke

He then turned and tried to punch Gaara and it hit for Gaara had left his gourd in the living room next to the baby who was sleeping in a mess of blankets. Gaara put a hand to his bruised cheek and wiped a little bit of blood away from his lip.

"What are you?" Said Gaara "A woman?"

Gaara then left the room and picked up the now awake baby and plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. While Gaara was sitting on the couch Sasuke got dressed in his usual attire. Gaara just sat on the couch in his boxers.

"Oh, shit." Said Gaara from the living room.

"What?" Said Sasuke as he left the room

"Baby had an accident." Replied Gaara as he held the baby as far away from him as he could.

Sasuke face quickly fell as he remembered that 'baby had an accident' just means 'baby took a big shit'.

Sasuke took the baby from Gaara and plopped the little thing onto the table. He took off the baby's little shorts and just tried not to vomit. Gaara then walked over to the living room and picked up his gourd and some clothes. Randomly Gaara punched a huge hole into his gourd causing it to leak sand everywhere.

"Oh, silly me," Said Gaara "My gourd has an unexplained hole in it. Guess I better fix it before it makes a mess of everything. See ya."

Gaara was then out of the house in a flash. Sasuke just fumed and ran to the door.

"You fucking suck!" Yelled Sasuke "**You fucking suck!!**"

Sasuke then walked into the kitchen and rummaged around for an old handkerchief. He found one that Sakura gave to him a while ago and then put it down for later use. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed some bleach-free disinfectant wipes (what guy owns those?). He closed his eyes and then successfully cleans up the baby using the handkerchief as a diaper. When he picked up the baby he couldn't help but noticed that the baby well, stunk.

"Ugh, now you need a bath." Said Sasuke "Where's Gaara when you need him?"

Sasuke then took the baby to the bathroom and started to fill the tub. As the tub filled and warmed, Sasuke started to undress the baby, but the baby seemed motivated to stay dressed. Sasuke had to struggle very hard to just get the shirt off of the little nightmare. When he finally succeeded the tub was nearly about to spill water from being so full luckily Sasuke had shut it off with his super speed. He put the baby in the water and then turned around to take off his shirt, shorts, and boxers so they wouldn't get wet. He then bent down (sporting his Uchiha towel around his waist) to clean the baby and noticed that he wasn't there.

"Hey!" Yelled Sasuke as he followed the running birthday suit clad baby. "Get back here!!"

"Dobe!!" Yelled the baby in protest.

Sasuke caught the baby quickly and as he was walking back to the bathroom he noticed that Gaara was watching TV. Sasuke walked over to Gaara, took the remote away from him and shut the TV off.

"Don't make me snatch that towel off of you and throw you into the street." Said Gaara still eyeing the TV. "I saw a group of Sasuke fan girls out there and I think they're out for blood."

Sasuke put the remote on the kitchen table and then went back into the bathroom. As Gaara sat there he just counted down until something bad happened and in five seconds many profanities (not just from Sasuke) were heard. He also heard splashing, crashing, and screaming too. Soon the baby was running away from the bathroom again. Sasuke quickly followed and grabbed the baby, holding him like a football.

"Well," Started Gaara "I see he learned to walk quickly."

Sasuke then stood in front of Gaara and just glared at him. Unfortunately for Sasuke the towel he was sporting lost its grip on his hips from all of that running and fell to the ground. Gaara's nonexistent raised up immediately at the site in front of him. Sasuke looked down at his bare self and quickly grabbed the towel and covered himself.

"Now I see why you never got with a girl." Said Gaara still blushing.

"What do you mean?" Said Sasuke.

Before Gaara said anything Sasuke walked off to the bathroom and successfully cleaned the baby. After that Sasuke got dressed again, picked up the nightmare that was spawned from the stupid jutsu, and plopped down on the couch. Sasuke was very exhausted and immediately fell asleep next to Gaara despite the fact that it was only noon. Not even ten minutes later there was a knock at the door. Gaara got up and answered the door even though he really didn't want to. When he answered the door he was greeted by a mass of girls.

"Hello," Said Sakura, the supposed leader. "Is Sasuke-kun here?"

"Umm, he's asleep at the moment." Replied Gaara; unsure of why the girls were here.

"Then we'll just have to take you instead." Said Sakura as she grabbed Gaara's hand. "First, get the baby."

Gaara walked back into the house and brought the baby back to the swarm of girls who immediately pulled him away from the house and dragged him to the shopping district of Konoha.

"In order to help Sasuke-kun," Began Ino "We're helping you shop for the baby and get settled. We have also agreed to give up on him too."

All of the girls whimpered after Ino said that they were going to give up on Sasuke. When they got to the baby and kids part of the shopping district Gaara had to shield his eyes from the blindingly bright colors.

"Here we are!" Said Sakura in an excited tone. "First on the list is clothes and diapers."

They walked into a random store still dragging Gaara and the baby. They quickly found a few packages of diapers and put them in a cart.

"Holy shit. Don't you think this is a little much for one baby?" Questioned Gaara as he looked at all of the diapers.

"Are you nuts?" Replied Tenten "They go about six times a day at least."

"**Holy shit!!!!!**" Exclaimed Gaara after hearing that "This little thing goes six times a day?!"

"Y-yes." Replied Hinata.

"Hinata? I thought you and Naruto were together."

"That's true Gaara-san."

"Then why are you with the Sasuke freaks?"

After saying that Gaara received a few glares from the girls.

"I just thought I could help."

"Oh."

They moved on and were now in the clothing aisle. It was separated into two sections. There was the girl's side that was decorated in pink and purple and Hello Kitty. Then there was the bots side that was red and blue and ... Power Rangers. The Power Rangers made Gaara cringe, but the baby just cocked his head as if he were thinking. The girls rushed over to the clothes and started to squeal as they looked at the little clothes.

'Sasuke sounds exactly like them when he squeals.' Thought Gaara as the girls continued to pick out clothes.

"Hey Gaara," Said Sakura as she shoved an outfit in his face "Don't you think this outfit would look just adorable on him?"

"Umm," Mumbled Gaara as he realized that fashion wasn't his forte "How about we just stick with... black and blue...?"

"Okay, if you want a depressing baby."

Sakura then walked off to look for some black and blue clothes. Not even a minute later, Gaara was grabbed by the girls and was then dragged to a toy store to find little playthings for the baby.

When he got there and stood up he noticed that once again, one side was pink and bright and the other was red and power ranger-ish. When the baby saw it he squealed like a little baby that could make the most serious shinobi go "aww". The baby managed to wiggle free from Gaara and waddled (using his newly found walking skill) over to the toys and started to pick things up and play with them. All the girls let out their "aww's" and then started to throw things into the cart. Gaara walked over to the teddy bears and picked one up that looked exactly like his old one that he had when he was about six. Memories of Yashamaru and the kid that called him a monster flooded his mind. Suddenly the bear was yanked out of his hands by Sakura and thrown into the cart as the girls and the baby went of to get the food.

"..." Was all Gaara said in reaction to what Sakura did. "_Note to self; kill Sakura"_

Gaara rejoined them to see that they had already gotten most of the food. As the girls continued gathering food items Gaara picked up the baby and a can of baby food.

"Strained beets..." Read Gaara. "Strained beets? No wonder they take a shit about six times a day, because you feed them this crap."

The baby snatched the can away from Gaara and looked it over curiously.

"Is today 'snatch stuff from Gaara day' or what?" Pondered Gaara.

"Bastard." Said the baby happily as Gaara quickly looked at the giggling baby.

"You just said 'bastard' didn't you?" Wondered Gaara. "You couldn't have learned that from the clean freak who's sleeping on the couch now. Did you? Why is my voice lie this? Oh my God, I'm turning into a woman! You did this to me!"

Gaara pointed at the baby who just grabbed his finger and started to shake it up and down giggling madly.

"A better question: how did such a happy and giggling baby come out of us?" Pondered Gaara.

Gaara was snapped out of his pondering when Tenten called to him and told him that they were going to the cash register now. He ran, baby still in hand, over to where the girls were.

"Your total comes to $120.00." Said the monotone cashier lady.

"Umm, I didn't bring any money with me." Confessed Gaara.

"It's okay, we have it covered." Reassured Hinata "We didn't expect you to bring anything seeing as we just pulled you out of your house suddenly and took you shopping."

"Oh, okay I guess." Said Gaara as he continued pondering about those questions he brought up in the food section.

When they left the store all of the girls started to walk off in their own directions away from Gaara.

"Hey! Aren't you gonna help me with the bags?" Asked Gaara as the girls turned around to look at him.

"Sorry, I have a scheduled manicure that I can't be late to." Said Sakura.

"I have to help brother Neji with his sewing" Said Hinata "Oops, I wasn't supposed to talk about his sewing. (Sorry, I just love Naruto Primer)"

"Hair appointment." Was all Ino said in her defense.

"I have to... do non-character developing things." Said Tenten, sweat dropping.

Gaara's face fell as he was left to carry about 10 bags and a baby back to the young Uchiha's house. He then let the sand out to carry all of the bags while he carried the baby that was intent on yanking Gaara's hair from his scalp.

"Ow! You stupid baby! Stop it!!" Exclaimed Gaara as he opened the door to the house after the baby had gotten a good, firm hold on a lock of Gaara's rubicund hair. "So, how's our sleeping beauty?"

"Shut up." Said Sasuke as he peered over the edge of the couch at Gaara who was now putting all of the items in the kitchen and setting the baby down on the floor who then quickly waddled over to where Sasuke was.

Gaara then followed and their lips met. They really got into the kissing and Sasuke started to go backwards as Gaara went forward. Sasuke then lost his balance and so did Gaara and they both fell off the couch. Gaara landed on the coffee table as Sasuke hit his head on it.

"Ow." Muttered Sasuke

"That was smart" Replied Gaara

"Shut up."

* * *

Me: KYAHH! I am so sorry for the delay!! I was grounded and then I forgot about it and I am also working on a different fan fiction so please forgive me!

Sasuke: Don't forgive her1 It may make her shut up.

Me: slaps Sasuke

Sasuke: Oog.

Me: Review or die by rusty butter knives! REVIEW!


	6. My two Dads Chapter 6: A Christmas party...

My Two Dads Chapter 6: A Christmas party, A Name, A Spoof, and A Crazy Lady's Decision (not in that order)

Me: Thank you all for requesting names and it was very hard for me to decide, but I finally did.

Gaara: They're gay names aren't they?

Me: What would you care? You are gay.

Gaara: …

Me: Thought so.

Gaara: Just get on with the fic okay?

Me: Why? Maybe I'll just ramble on about how awesome you are.

Gaara: Though that would be okay, the dedicated readers would eat you alive and _I_ want to be the one to kill you.

Me: … I will now spoof a lemon in this chapter!!

Gaara: Good Lord someone save me.

Me: Sorry, now on to the fiction!!!!

* * *

Gaara and Sasuke were just sitting watching TV one morning. The baby was on Gaara's lap once again trying to scalp Gaara.

"Damn it kid," Groaned Gaara "You better not ever become a barber because you'd be getting slapped and sued everyday."

"He wont become a barber." Stated Sasuke "He'll become a ninja. He is an Uchiha after all."

"…Right."

"Hmm, you know what Gaara?"

"What?"

"Maybe it's time we name the baby."

Gaara dodged another attempt at the baby stealing his hair.

"How about we name him something like a native American, what ever they are."

"What?"

"Yeah, we could name him 'He who pulls out hair'."

Sasuke then smacked Gaara on the head.

"Baka, how about we name him 'Kamui'."

"You wanna name him after an X character?"

"Not X, Gackt. Kamui Gackt."

"Argh, fine, we'll name him… Kamui… pansy."

"I heard that."

Sasuke smirked triumphantly as he had won the name fight and was now showing off his superiority complex. Sasuke continued to watch TV and Gaara continued to fight off Kamui's deadly, hair grabbing hands. All was quiet, peaceful, and boring until they heard the mail ninjas dropping off the mail. Gaara gently tossed the baby to Sasuke who luckily caught him and Gaara headed for the door to retrieve the mail. Gaara walked to the garbage can and rooted through the mail calling out throwing away things that didn't interest him.

"Junk, junk," Began Gaara "junk, junk, catalog, catalog, subscription renewal, fan letters, Itachi's pay check…"

"Don't ask." Said Sasuke

"Jury duty, jury duty, black mail from Naruto, blackmail from Itachi, chain letter, eviction notice…"

"What? I own this place, it's the old Uchiha house."

"I know, I just like it when you freak out and get that high pitched voice. Hold on, there's an invitation in here to a Valentines party. It's from Sakura."

Sasuke picked up Kamui and walked over to Gaara to see the invitation. He rested his head on Gaara's shoulder and looked at the invitation.

"You are invited to a Valentines extravaganza at the Ninja Academy." Read Sasuke.

"Hold on," Stated Gaara "There's more."

Gaara then completely unfolded the invitation and read it aloud.

"You are invited blah blah blah. It's a costume party. If you are going as a couple with someone the costumes must go together. There will be refreshments for free there. No store bought costumes. Costumes and attendance are mandatory under the will of the Hokage."

There was an uncomfortable pause for a moment as both boys took time to let the invitation sink in.

"OW!!" Yelled Gaara "Get Kauisa away from me!"

"His name is Kamui." Stated Sasuke as-a-matter-a-factly.

"Whatever, we can't go we don't have a babysitter and it says that no one under the age of thirteen is allowed in."

"That wont be a problem." Stated Tsunade.

"How did you get in here?" Asked Sasuke.

"I have the keys to all the houses in Konoha."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I will be your babysitter so you two can go to the party and I will make sure of it that you go, now I suggest you get started on that costume because the party's tonight." And with that Tsunade was gone in a poof.

After Tsunade had left, Gaara, Sasuke, and Kamui sat down and pondered about the costume. Kamui was surprisingly not pulling out Sasuke's hair like he always did with Gaara's hair. Gaara noticed and got even more annoyed than he already was, but he didn't do anything. They pondered more about the costume until Gaara got an evil look on his face.

"I have the perfect idea for a costume!" Exclaimed Gaara as he stood up and punched a fist in the air.

"Don't ever do that again. You're already too out of character."

"Shut up. Anyway, you know how you have a tendency to call me a panda connected with some other insult?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I can be a panda by wearing some black and white clothes."

"Mm'kay, but what about me?"

"I dunno. I guess you can be a sexy zookeeper or something."

Sasuke's face fell when he heard the part about the zookeeper. He pondered for a moment resting his chin on the hand that wasn't holding Kamui.

"Can zookeepers be sexy?" Asked Sasuke in a puzzled tone.

Gaara paused for a moment.

"… Yes." Replied Gaara with shifty eyes as he started to gather things for their costumes.

Gaara probably turned the entire Uchiha village upside down as he searched for something even remotely looking like something a sexy zookeeper would wear. He found some shorts and he decided that Sasuke could just wear boots along with it, but he needed a top to the costume. An idea hit Gaara like a ton of bricks as he stormed back into Sasuke's house.

"Your chuunin vest!" Exclaimed Gaara.

"What about it?" Said Sasuke as he was rocking Kamui on his lap wooing the baby to sleep.

"I can use that as the top to the outfit seeing as you Uchihas seem to only wear black and blue."

Sasuke set Kamui down slowly on the couch and then went to retrieve his chuunin vest (You didn't really think they'd be 16 and still genin did you?). When Sasuke came back Gaara quickly snatched the vest away from him and started to work on the costume using many sewing techniques to aid him for they didn't have long before the party and he still needed to work on his costume. Sasuke then confirmed that Gaara didn't need help so he flopped back down on the couch and turned on the TV while putting Kamui back on his lap.

"Done!!!" Exclaimed Gaara as he threw the costume at Sasuke hitting him right in the face.

Sasuke put the baby back down, shut the TV off, and took the costume to get changed. Gaara meanwhile was rummaging through his belongings looking for a few certain things in a particular. He would throw random things out as he desperately looked for the items he needed. He found a shirt that was white with black sleeves that went almost past his fingertips and some white shorts. He also found a pair of long black (non-hooker like) boots. Gaara got dressed in a flash and then found the finishing piece to his costume. Sasuke walked out of the room in his costume and was blushing madly.

"Found it." Said Gaara as he held up the last piece to their costumes.

"… A collar and leash?" Asked Sasuke as he stared at the final piece.

"Yup."

Sasuke didn't want to argue and they were running out of time before the party so he grabbed the leash and Gaara put on his collar and they waited for Tsunade to arrive. At about ten minutes until the party started, the Godaime finally arrived.

"Took you long enough." Said Gaara as he and Sasuke got up to leave.

"Yes, yes, I was late just leave now." Said Tsunade as she pushed them out the door and immediately closed it.

The panda and zookeeper exchanged uneasy looks and then headed off towards the academy where the party was being held. The walk was quiet until Sasuke couldn't keep in his question any longer.

"Gaara?" Asked Sasuke.

"Hmm?"

"…Can zookeepers be sexy?"

Gaara did a quick anime fall and then just kept on walking without saying anything.

"I mean," Started Sasuke "I just wanna know if they can."

"Look, Sasuke, baby, it was either a zookeeper or a gigantic shoot of bamboo."

That comment about the bamboo immediately shut Sasuke up. They both walked a little bit longer until they finally arrived at the academy. When they walked to the entrance, they are greeted by Sakura and Ino. Both of which are playboy bunnies. Sakura's a pink bunny where as Ino is blue.

"Lemme guess," Started Gaara, "Your mom gave it to you?"

"Rrr, just go in!" Yelled Sakura and Ino in unison. "Nice costume Sasuke-Kun!"

"I repeat," Said Sasuke "Can zookeepers be sexy?"

Gaara still didn't answer.

As they walked more toward the dance floor Gaara stopped thus causing Sasuke to stop and looked to his right.

"Well, I just found the bar, see ya." Said Gaara as he quickly grabbed a spot on one of the many barstools.

"We come here together and all you want to do is get drunk?!" Yelled an angered Sasuke to the already ordering Gaara.

Gaara received a martini and took a small sip as he looked at Sasuke lazily. Sasuke, knowing he couldn't win, walked over to the redhead and plopped down onto the barstool next to him.

"What the hell are you guys supposed to be?" Said Naruto who was a giant bowl of ramen and had Hinata, a giant pair of chopsticks, next to him blushing.

"Run for your lives, the killer tomatoes are back in the form of over-sized ramen bowls." Replied Gaara before taking another sip from his martini.

"…What?" Was all Naruto said as he tried to scratch his head, but failed due to the huge costume.

"They're even dumber too." Replied Gaara.

Naruto and Hinata walked off to talk with more people and maybe try their hand at insulting people. After they were gone Sasuke turned back to Gaara who was ordering another drink.

"You're only sixteen," Start Sasuke "Why do you drink?!"

"Hey," Replied Gaara as he ordered a Coke along with his drink "There's no drinking age in Konoha and I, for one, am taking advantage of that."

Sasuke just frowned and rested his back on the bar. Gaara scooted the Coke he ordered toward Sasuke hinting that it was for him. Sasuke picked up the drink and took a big gulp out of it finishing it immediately, though unknown to Sasuke, Gaara had spiked the Coke and unknown to Gaara was that Sasuke couldn't handle his alcohol and was soon drunk. Gaara was soon to regret what he had done for one tiny reason…

::Sniff:: "Everyone must hate me!" Whimpered Sasuke as he put his head on the bar.

… Sasuke was a sad drunk. The young Uchiha continued to wallow in self pity as the uncomfortable panda next to him just pat him on the back consoling him, face plastered red with embarrassment.

"Gaara," said a still sniffling Sasuke, "do you hate me?"

"Of course not," Said the shocked panda that was ordering two more martinis for himself.

::sniff:: "That's nice, because I love you."

After that statement Temari and Kankuro confronted Gaara and Sasuke. Temari was wearing a dress made entirely out of fans and Kankuro was a kabuki player (I couldn't think of anything for Kankuro except a Barbie).

"Getting drunk?" Bitched Temari, "How can you just get drunk at a party?"

"Easily." Replied Gaara quickly

"You are such an ass!"

"Stop your bitchin'. The only reason why you're so whiny is because you're pregnant with Shikamaru's kid."

Temari just stomped off madly dragging Kankuro after her.

After Sasuke had made hi earlier announcement before Temari interrupted to the now drunk red head next to him, he leaned out for a kiss but he missed and shortly fell asleep on Gaara's shoulder. After less than two seconds Sasuke's head sprang up nearly giving Gaara a broken nose. Sasuke then grabbed Gaara's hand and dragged Gaara out of the party. While Gaara was being dragged he felt like he was drugged for there were pink and blue bunnies (Sakura and Ino), meatballs (Chouji), and people in barrels (Shikamaru) all around him.

"I must be in the music video for Dope Hat by Marilyn Manson…" Said the hallucinating Gaara.

Sasuke dragged Gaara all the way back to his house. He picked Gaara up and pushed him against the door.

"Why are you so happy?" Inquired Gaara who was still drunk though you could never tell by looks or actions.

**WARNING LEMON SPOOF**

Instead of an answer Sasuke just smashed his lips against Gaara. The two boys went inside, past the sleeping Hokage and little baby, into the bedroom where they plopped down on the bed together, their lips never parting except for breath and to take off their shirts. Gaara climbed on top of the shirt-less Sasuke, kissing the boy's neck and nibbling at his nape causing Sasuke to make a small squeak. Gaara continued to kiss Sasuke as he reached over and turned off the light by the bed. Gaara and Sasuke started to get more into the moment and quickly discarded their pants. Gaara started to work his way down and began kissing Sasuke's chest, but while he was doing so, his hair started to tickle the ever-so ticklish Sasuke causing him to break out into laughter. Sasuke's laughing fit soon resulting in an accidental kick straight to Gaara's nards.

"I'm definitely gonna be feeling that in the morning…" Whimpered Gaara as he rolled off of Sasuke.

"Heh heh… oops." Replied Sasuke as he started to sit up.

"It's fine, I'm okay." Said Gaara as he started to climb back on top of Sasuke.

:: a few minutes later::

" Ow ow ow ow ow…!"

"What?"

"Move your leg."

"My eye!!"

"….. I can't breathe."

"Oh my God, Gaara! Where did you go?"

"Sorry, I fell off."

This went on for about five more minutes until one of the two turned on a light and both sat up and stared at each other.

"This night," Said Gaara "Never happened."

"Gotcha." Replied Sasuke

Sasuke then went to sleep and Gaara sat down next to him and started to read a book. The next morning Sasuke and Gaara got dressed and walked out of the bedroom only to be greeted by Tsunade and Kamui (actually, Kamui was still sleeping, Tsunade was just holding him).

"What do you want?" Questioned Sasuke

"I have news for you!" Replied Tsunade happily

"What is it?" Asked Gaara

"This baby's happiness shall never wane under my control!"

"Yeah…" Replied Sasuke "So?"

"I never want him to be lonely either therefore I command you two to have another baby!"

Gaara and Sasuke just stared at the crazed Hokage.

"If you two fail to do so by the end of the month I will exile Gaara from Konoha forever and you, Sasuke, will be put in jail for all counts that you have against you!"

"Including- "

"Including when you broke the water supply for the hospital with the chidori."

"Damn."

* * *

Me: Gomen nasai!! Gomengomengomen!!!! So sorry for the late-ness!!

Sasuke: What's there to be sorry for? I got a vacation.

Me: I'm apologizing to all of my friends and dear readers!!

Sasuke: … So?

Me: Shut up!! For all of you, do you think I should up the rating on this fic due to that spoof?

Sasuke: If it will get you to stop, then by all means do so.

Me: What did I say about shutting up? Also, I have two things to inform you all about!

Sasuke: ::sarcastically:: Oh please share.

Me: Okay!

Sasuke: -.-

Me: I will be working on a new fan fiction now and it will be titled "Death Whispers". Look for it. Also, I would love it if anyone of you could draw me a picture of Neji in his eye boxers from Chapter 4.

Sasuke: Lemme guess, I'm in "Death Whispers".

Me: Yup, and you die too. Reviews or you will be destroyed by the mail ninjas!!


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